Posts in March 9, 2025

Have you told yourself, “This is the last time…”—only to fall back into old patterns again?
Have internet blockers, accountability partners, or sheer willpower failed you?
Do you feel like you’re starting from square one after every relapse, wondering if lasting change is even possible?

Is the shame of your porn use or sexual behaviors weighing you down?
Are you watching the person you love become more distant, hurt, or betrayed by your actions?
Has your struggle escalated—moving beyond porn use into infidelity, affairs, or paying for sex (escorts)?
Has the threat of separation or divorce become part of your reality?

Are you exhausted from the internal battles—the guilt, frustration, the overwhelming urges that feel impossible to fight?
Do you feel like no matter how hard you try, the temptations and impulses always win?
Are you tired of beating yourself up, feeling like you’re out of control, while also watching your relationship fall apart?

At Big Valley Therapy, we understand that struggles with pornography and compulsive sexual behaviors aren’t just about “bad choices” or lack of willpower. These issues are often symptoms of deeper emotional pain, unhealed attachment wounds, and unmet emotional needs—and they don’t just affect the individual, they affect relationships in profound ways.

We specialize in working with individuals and couples facing the full spectrum of sex addiction issues:

✅ Pornography addiction
✅ Compulsive masturbation
✅ Infidelity and affairs
✅ Escort or paid sexual encounters
✅ Other unwanted or out-of-control sexual behaviors

Whether you’re the one struggling with the behaviors or the partner experiencing betrayal, hurt, and confusion—we’re here for both of you.

We offer both individual therapy and couples therapy because we know this isn’t just an individual issue—it’s a relational one, too.

For partners affected by betrayal, we also recognize that the pain often goes deeper than just the discovery of the behavior. Feelings of low self-worth, self-image struggles, and old emotional wounds often resurface or worsen. That’s why we work with partners to process both the betrayal and any preexisting emotional insecurities that may be magnified by this experience.

Our approach draws from Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), and EMDR—proven methods for creating emotional healing, sustainable behavioral change, and restoring trust and connection.

You’re not broken. You’re stuck in a pattern. And with the right support, patterns can change.

Starting therapy for issues like pornography use, infidelity, or other compulsive sexual behaviors can feel overwhelming. The shame, fear, confusion, and relationship pain can feel like too much to face alone. At Big Valley Therapy, we provide a safe, non-judgmental space where both individuals and couples can begin the healing process—emotionally, relationally, and at a pace that feels right for you.

1. A Compassionate and Personalized Approach

Your story is unique—and so is your healing journey. We take time to understand the emotional, relational, and behavioral patterns driving your struggles. This isn’t just about stopping unwanted behaviors—it’s about helping you uncover why they’re happening and healing the deeper wounds underneath.

We work with individuals and couples facing a full spectrum of out-of-control sexual behaviors, including:

• Pornography addiction
• Compulsive masturbation
• Infidelity and affairs
• Escort or paid sexual encounters
• Other unwanted or compulsive sexual behaviors

We understand that these behaviors are often interconnected, with pornography sometimes acting as a gateway or coping mechanism that escalates into other sexual acting out behaviors.

2. Evidence-Based, Emotionally-Focused Care

We don’t just focus on behavior management or surface-level accountability. Instead, we use research-backed, emotionally focused approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), and EMDR to help you:

• Process difficult emotions like shame, anger, fear, and grief
• Heal the deeper emotional and attachment wounds driving the behavior
• Build emotional regulation and healthy coping strategies
• Rebuild trust, safety, and emotional intimacy—both within yourself and in your relationship

This applies whether you’re struggling with pornography, infidelity, affairs, or any form of compulsive sexual behavior.

3. Support for Both Partners

We firmly believe healing must happen on both sides of the relationship—not just for the person engaging in the behavior, but also for the partner who has been hurt by it.

For the partner struggling with compulsive sexual behaviors:
We help you build awareness of your emotional triggers, understand the unmet emotional needs driving the behavior, and develop tools for long-term, sustainable change—not just short-term behavior control.

For the betrayed partner:
We recognize that your pain often runs deeper than just the discovery of the behavior. Feelings of betrayal can reactivate old wounds, preexisting low self-worth, and long-standing self-image struggles—even ones that existed before the betrayal.

Our work with partners focuses on:

• Processing feelings of hurt, anger, grief, and confusion
• Healing deeper insecurities and self-worth wounds
• Helping you rebuild emotional safety—whether the relationship continues or not

Whether we’re working with both of you together, separately, or a combination of both—we make space for both partners to heal, grow, and feel empowered again.

4. A Step-by-Step Process Toward Lasting Change

Therapy at Big Valley Therapy isn’t about quick fixes or just stopping a behavior temporarily. It’s about creating deep, lasting transformation—emotionally, behaviorally, and relationally. Together, we’ll move through stages that may include:

✅ Establishing emotional and relational safety
✅ Understanding and healing root emotional wounds
✅ Building tools for emotional regulation and healthy connection
✅ Processing trauma and attachment injuries
✅ Rebuilding trust and intimacy (for couples)
✅ Creating a personalized relapse prevention and relationship repair plan

Whether your struggle is with pornography alone, or includes infidelity, affairs, escorts, or other sexual acting out behaviors—we’ll help you understand the patterns, heal the pain underneath, and build a path forward that feels authentic and sustainable.