Words have power! 💥 The way we speak to our partner can either build bridges 🌉 or create walls 🧱. Superlatives like “always” and “never” often sneak into our vocabulary, but they can unintentionally harm our relationships. Let’s explore how shifting these words can create more connection and understanding. ❤️
🚫 The Problem with Superlatives
Phrases like:
❌ “You always forget to take out the trash.”
❌ “You never listen to me.”
…can make your partner feel attacked 😔. These statements rarely reflect the full truth and often lead to defensiveness. Your partner might respond:
➡️ “I don’t always do that.”
➡️ “Well, you always do this.”
This back-and-forth cycle can turn a small issue into a big argument. 😤
🐎 Superlatives and Gottman’s Four Horsemen
The Gottman Institute warns about four toxic communication patterns:
1️⃣ Criticism 🗯️
2️⃣ Defensiveness 🛡️
3️⃣ Contempt 😠
4️⃣ Stonewalling 🚪
Superlatives often fuel the first two: criticism and defensiveness. Swapping “always” and “never” for softer words like “sometimes” or “often” reduces emotional tension. 🌿
✅ Instead of: “You never spend time with me.”
✅ Try: “I’ve noticed we sometimes don’t get as much time together, and I miss that.”
This invites connection instead of conflict. 🤝
🛡️ Reframing Conflict: Catching the Bullet
In therapy, we use a technique called “catching the bullet” 🕊️. This means reframing harsh accusations into expressions of feelings and needs:
➡️ Instead of: “You never care about what I’m saying.”
➡️ Try: “I sometimes feel unheard, and it would mean a lot to feel more connected with you.”
This shift helps partners hear each other’s pain and respond with empathy 💌.
🧠 Becoming More Aware of Language
We often use superlatives without realizing it, especially when hurt. Try these tips to communicate mindfully:
🌟 Pause before speaking and ask, “Is this really always true?”
🌟 Swap absolute words for softer alternatives like sometimes, often, rarely.
🌟 Focus on your feelings instead of accusations.
🌟 Seek therapy to learn tools for healthy dialogue. 🛠️
❤️ Build a Stronger Relationship With Better Communication
Changing how you speak may feel small, but it can transform your relationship. 🌱 Avoiding superlatives helps you express yourself more clearly and connect deeply with your partner.
✨ Ready to improve communication in your relationship? ✨
We’re here to help. Contact Big Valley Therapy today to start your journey toward healthier communication and a stronger emotional bond. 💌
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