The Internal Family Systems (IFS) model teaches us about the Eight C’s of Self: 🧐 curiosity, ✨ clarity, 💖 compassion, 💪 confidence, 🦁 courage, 🎨 creativity, 🤝 connectedness, and 🌊 calmness. These qualities are deeply connected and essential for living with balance and emotional wholeness.
Two of these qualities—self-compassion and confidence—are especially important. ❤️ When we’re stuck in shame, we often lack confidence. In IFS, confidence is linked to integrity, which means living in a state of wholeness—just like the structural integrity of an object that is sturdy and unbroken.
When you accept all your parts (the strong and the struggling ones), you create a life of integrity. And from this place, true self-compassion naturally flows. 🌱
🌱 Integrity: The Foundation of Recovery and Healing
In recovery work, honesty and truth are the first steps to healing. The Intimacy Pyramid Model shows how openness and vulnerability build trust. Let’s look at two different examples:
👤 Person A is overwhelmed by shame and lacks self-confidence. When their partner asks, “Have you been tempted to view porn lately?”, they nervously reply, “Oh no, I’m doing great—I haven’t been tempted at all.” Deep down, they have felt tempted but fear their partner’s disappointment.
👤 Person B lives with confidence, self-compassion, and integrity. When asked the same question, they honestly say, “If I’m being truthful, I’ve been tempted recently. It’s been emotionally tough, and this is how I handled it…” Whether they gave in or resisted, they speak with courage and vulnerability instead of hiding behind fear.
💬 “The Truth Hurts” – But It Also Heals ❤️
There’s a saying: “The truth hurts.” And yes—it can. But trust and intimacy cannot grow in the soil of lies (which often caused the pain in the first place).
In recovery, emotional maturity looks like voluntarily coming to your partner with struggles and temptations—even before being asked. This idea is highlighted in Full Disclosure: Seeking Truth After Sexual Betrayal (Volume 1). 🌿 It’s about letting go of shame and stepping courageously into truth.
By facing your fears and being honest—even when it’s hard—you strengthen both your self-worth and your relationships.
🌟 Your Healing Journey Starts Here
💬 Are you ready to let go of shame and start living with confidence, compassion, and integrity?
At Big Valley Therapy, we help individuals and couples navigate recovery and build lives rooted in truth, trust, and emotional connection. You don’t have to do this alone.
👉 Contact us today to schedule a confidential session and take the first step toward lasting healing and wholeness.
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