🌿 The 3 Essential Steps to Taking Breaks During Arguments

When emotions run high in a relationship, even small disagreements can spiral out of control. Learning how to take effective breaks during arguments can be a game-changer for couples. 🚦 Taking a step back doesn’t mean avoiding the issue—it’s about calming your mind and body so you can return to the conversation with clarity and compassion. 💛

Here are 3 simple steps to take productive breaks and strengthen your communication:

🕒 Step 1: Set a Clear Time to Reconnect

One of the biggest fears (especially for anxious partners) is “What if my partner doesn’t come back after the break?” 😟

To avoid this fear, agree on a specific time to return to the conversation. For example:
🗓️ “Let’s take 30 minutes and talk again at 4:30 PM.”

This creates safety 🛡️ and reassures both partners that the break is temporary—not an excuse to shut down or avoid resolving the conflict. When one partner calls for a break, it’s essential for the other to respect that boundary.

🚶‍♀️ Step 2: Actually Take the Break (Don’t Just Sit There!)

Saying you need a break is one thing. Taking it properly is another. 🛑

Step away from the situation physically and do something calming:
🌿 Take a short walk
💧 Drink a glass of water
🎶 Listen to soothing music
🧘‍♂️ Practice deep breathing

According to relationship experts Drs. John and Julie Gottman, it takes at least 30 minutes for your body’s stress responses—like a racing heart ❤️‍🔥, tunnel vision 👀, and tightness in your chest—to return to baseline. Even if you feel fine, your body might still be in fight-or-flight mode.

🌱 Step 3: Reflect and Take Responsibility

During your break, resist the urge to replay all the ways your partner was wrong. ❌ Instead, turn inward and ask yourself:
🤔 “How did I contribute to this argument?”
🤲 “What can I take responsibility for?”

When both partners engage in this kind of self-reflection, they come back to the conversation calmer, more open, and ready to communicate in a healthier way.

💌 Ready to Build Better Communication in Your Relationship?

At Big Valley Therapy, we help couples create safety, connection, and healthier ways of handling conflict. If arguments often feel overwhelming, our therapists can guide you to break toxic cycles and rebuild trust.

📞 Take the first step today—reach out to Big Valley Therapy to schedule a session and start cultivating a relationship where both of you feel seen and heard. 🌿